My favourite trick for having a Small Moment of One’s Own

Posted on September 16th, 2014

If, like me, you’re over 30 you’d remember the 1986 movie Stand By Me, starring brat-packers River Phoenix and Corey Feldman. If you’re under 30, I advise you get it out on DVD (oops, download it). A coming-of-age film, it captures the Gen Xers and Boomers’ search for A Big Defining Moment, a search that’s seen us seek sea changes and stage Band Aid mega-concerts. Honestly, it’ll help you understand us better.

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In the movie, Gordie, the story’s 12-year-old protagonist, awakes in a forest to a deer staring at him just inches from his face in the dawn light. The magic of the moment is palpable. As Gordie narrates (as an adult looking back), all he wanted to do was wake his mates and tell them about it, to stamp the incident and own it loudly. But he doesn’t; he keeps the quietness Read more

Instead of obtaining a mirror, obtain a person

Posted on September 10th, 2014

In 1964, Yoko Ono published a collation of art “pieces’ in a book called Grapefruit.  One such moment in artistic whimsy was the Mirror Piece.

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I took from it this: It’s good to go inwards and to truly look in the mirror and pull yourself apart. To Do The Work.

But it’s better if you do this by fronting up to someone in relationship and Do The Work via what they feed back to you. It probably won’t be as sugar-coated and the feedback probably won’t come when it’s convenient for you. It will be old, fat, Read more

Honestly, who wouldn’t want to be a “spinster”?

Posted on September 9th, 2014

Reading writer Sara Maitland’s How to Be Alone I learned the origins of the word spinster. Get this…

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“In the Middle Ages the word “spinster” was a compliment. A spinster was someone, usually a woman, who could spin well: a woman who could spin well was financially self-sufficient – it was one of the very few ways that mediaeval women could achieve economic independence. The word was generously applied to all women at the point of marriage as Read more