I saved this passage below from Daily OM ages ago. It describes those scenarios where you’re at a ra-ra gathering and you’re looking around and… everyone’s an idiot.


Which is a judgment. But, honestly, sometimes it’s true. Like when you’re sober and everyone is pissed or on the gear. Vibes spread and it’s easy to get caught up, or dragged down, and to dumb down so you can endure and fit in.

I liked this advice:

The ability to go into any social situation and sense the level of consciousness in that situation is a gift…Sometimes, when we get into a particular social situation, we may feel pressure to play it small in order to fit in. Perhaps everyone is drinking or smoking excessively, engaging in gossipy small talk, or complaining bitterly….

One viable option is to quietly endure the situation, keeping to ourselves until it is time to leave. In this way, we take care of our own consciousness and protect our growth process.

Another option is to interact in a way that honors and pays respect to the people in the group, while gently attempting to shift the level of consciousness with our input. In order to do this, we must maintain our own vibration…Being able to stand on our own, separate from the crowd, is a powerful milestone on any spiritual path. It can be difficult in the moment, but when we arrive on the other side, our integrity intact, we may find ourselves feeling positively smart.

I’ve learned to do this. I don’t always drink when I go out; I hate drinking without food and my body doesn’t deal with being drunk any more. So I do find myself standing at parties drawing on every iota of strength to not fall over in catatonic boredom when people are frothing empty substance-fueled foam. I’ve come to realise, though, if I hold my energy and lean inwards, instead of being dragged out and down, I enjoy myself in the most calm and enduring way. I treat it as a challenge to see if I can steer the vibe around.

The trick is not to be a condescending twat in the process. You know the types who stand smugly in corners and espouse knowing spiritual lectures? You don’t want to be like them. They missed the memo that says  BE the message.

Most people are frazzled and a bit loose in social situations, so if you’re steady, it’s pretty easy to steer things around to a more elevated conversation, just by being you.

Does this make sense?

Have your say, leave a comment.

  • Andy

    Yes, exactly! It can be lonely. But worth it when you haven’t lowered your energy by joining in with gossip, getting drunk, eating the wrong foods. When I’m in that situation I try to keep love and kindness in my heart and find at least one thing in common.

  • pepem

    I agree, “the trick is not to be a condescending twat in the process.”

    I wouldn’t want to be the person pretending to be something I’m not!

    I mean, I am definitely the person looking around at a party, watching out for the person who’s judgmental or just “too cool” and feeling intimidated or pretending to be ultra cool too, ignoring the feelings inside that no one wants to see.

    What ever happened to “don’t judge another person until you’ve walked a mile in his/her shoes?”

    I guess this is why I don’t go to parties because there is always that person who knows better than every one else (not that they’d decree it out loud, they’re too cool) and it’s exhausting to pretend that everything is just so peaceful inside. Good luck, y’all.

  • jiss

    when you say amusing, you are condescending

  • jiss

    How do you know you are being a beacon? You say you are being your non-deg-driven self but wanting to be a beacon for your poor fellows sounds very egotistical to me.

  • Joanna Mitchell

    Fantastic post, thanks for sharing Sarah.

  • K2478

    Totally relate!

  • Krystal Schroder

    I think there’s something in here about a “Chosen projected Image”…I think these days there are so many people who think they need to be ‘that’ person, or fall into a particular label, which together with stereotypical behaviour of said label, turns them into a watered-down, 2Dimensional version of themselves. If we all had the freedom / security to really be ourselves, then maybe we wouldn’t all be around the watercooler (read bar) flinging shallow comments about the latest celeb gossip. Being more secure within ourselves leads us down the path of really enjoying a deeper sense of being.