are you too busy to live your life?

This week in Sunday Life I break the Catch-22 bind

105949 6 468 are you too busy to live your life?

Back when I used to work stupidly long hours in a normal office job I would spy people on my way to meetings sitting at cafes – on a Tuesday, at 11am – and I’d think, “How do they have the time? What have they got right that I haven’t?”.

Your sun-basking, Sudoku-doodling café lingerer might be the neighbour who gets to a 5pm yoga class each week, or the friend who can spontaneously take a long weekend when the weather turns nice.

“How do they have time?” you cry out, half in envy, half in contempt. How come they got their life so sorted?

Recently I was invited on a meditation retreat. The idea of withdrawing from life – from email, laptops and planning dinner each night – for five days is something I fantasise about. I have an image: people who go on meditation retreats have interiors magazine-ready homes and organised spice racks and cherubic blonde children and wear leather-soled shoes. You see (my logic goes), they have their life sorted.

So they’re able to.

Personally, I don’t know that my life will ever be sorted. And I’ll never have blonde kids. So this week I took the plunge, left my iphone at home, and signed up to the retreat. Regardless.

Goodness. You’d think I was heading off to Siberia. Or whatever other outpost where Vodafone doesn’t have coverage. Of course, it coincided with my busiest period all year. Sitting in the hall with a dozen others, I fretted as my brain slowed to a blunt, foggy stop. It rained outside. I clung with white knuckles. But eventually I had to give in to the atrophy.

On day three the following occurred to me. Have you read Catch-22? I haven’t. I think it was a real early “70s thing when people had time for holidays and dense reads. But I know the gist. A bomber pilot wants to quit his job due to the inherent dangers. But he’s denied because the fact he understands the danger means he’s sane, and only mad pilots can be relieved. So he has to keep flying, even though it’s insane to do so.

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24 top tips for inner-city bike buying + riding

My philosophy is this: when more people ride bikes in cities, the safer that city is for cyclists. Actually, it’s not my philosophy. It’s a fact. And the raison d’etre of my Campaign To Ride a Bike.

Picture 3 24 top tips for inner-city bike buying + ridingvia meetup.com

But I know many of you get stuck on how to start out riding – how and where to buy a bike. So let’s get back to basics. If you build bikes in your area, or if you know a great mob who sell bikes and look after green kids to the scene, please add to the list in the comments below…

1. Always test-ride. Bike shops will always let you do this. If you live in a hilly area and are planning to buy a single-speed, test-ride up a hill.

2. Try a three-speed. The retro look is rad. But if you’re new to riding, having no gears can be tough. Think about a hybrid – retro in look, geared in functionality. I’ve written about this here.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc0LjbYTnJQ[/youtube]

(apologies for the blip at the end of the video…)

3.  Learn how to carry a bike up stairs. I’ve given some tips in this funny little video we did outside Bondi Bikes, above.

4. Switch to slick tyres if you have a mountain bike. It’ll make your bike faster, and cleaner if you’re keeping it indoors. Again, above.

5. Get a bike lock that you can sling over your shoulder. You can then stick the key in your pocket or down your bra (with an ATM card or $20) and the lock over your shoulder and off you go. No bag. No clutter.

6. Don’t be a complete cheapskate, says 7PM Project’s Charlie Pickering. “You don’t have to spend thousands on a space-age carbon fibre uberbike, but if you buy the cheapest thing you can find it will be

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question: what’s the deal with your divided life?”

Every now and then I answer a question from a reader that I figure best to answer en masse…here’s one that struck me recently:

It’s come up a few times in comments on this blog. What’s the deal with my two speeds – my heels/red carpet/hair extensions/smile-for-cameras existence, and my live-in-the-hills/simple/non-shopping/biking/no makeup life? How do I do it? Does it tear me?

Picture 10 question: what's the deal with your divided life?"via 79ideas

It seems to confound a few people. Or suggest to some that I’m inconsistent.

Normally I don’t feel obliged to explain myself (should we ever if we’re not harming anyone?), but I have put some thought to the issue lately.

I think many of us have two speeds. Our busy, crazy self and then the self we try to come home to with friends and family and with ourselves.

I think many of us feel that somehow we need to be marrying the two. Uniting them. Or finding a middle ground between. We call this balance. We seek it.

I ask, though, is balance about finding a middle?

Or can balance be about dancing between the two, or three, or four aspects of ourselves? Can we not be all the things, authentically?

BUT, cry some, that’s fine if your values are consistent across the selves. I agree. And this part of the dance isn’t always easy.

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Tuesday eats: some healthy mish-mash meals

One of my favourite things to do is to come up with a meal from… nothing. It’s a sport. And I find myself competing in it often because I travel almost weekly and have to empty my fridge of random ingredients. Oh the thrill of it!?!

recipehealth pantry wheatbe Tuesday eats: some healthy mish-mash meals
Pic: Andrew Scrivani for The New York Times

So I always have a few staples on hand that can stretch out the random fridge surprise ingredients. Eggs, tinned tuna, tinned sardines,  frozen spinach, peas and broccoli (I steam, bag and freeze myself, as explained here), capers and activated nuts and seeds (which I keep in the freezer…they keep longer and stay crisper).

Me, at the moment I’m loving these ideas:

* Freezer spinach, pea and parmesan surprise: Take two cubes of frozen spinach (I buy the one that comes in a pack of 6 cubes) and a handful of frozen peas in a bowl and microwave (I know, not ideal, but frozen spinach is dodgy in a pot and this meal works best in a microwave) for a minute or so. I drain a little water out and stir through one egg and some grated Parmesan (which I store in the freezer) and heat for another minute or so. Breakfast!

* Mushroom mush: I saute mushrooms in a pan and some shaved ham (I keep a container in the fridge for such moments) and swirl through some lightly forked eggs, a splash of milk and some chia seeds.mush Tuesday eats: some healthy mish-mash meals

* Broccoli and ….: I steam broccoli cut up pretty fine (as mentioned I do this in advance – a head or two at a time – put in containers and freeze ready to grab) and add:  some shredded chicken (I buy 1/2 a chook and use it across 3-4 meals), a few anchovies and some garlic, a tin of tuna and an egg…I swirl it through the hot broccoli and it “cooks” into a cheesy bind. Sometimes I toss in some finely cut celery  and swirl through some whole-egg mayo (sugar-free). And some activated pepitas (again, which I keep in the freezer). And bang. Lunch. Or breakfast (the other day I took it on the plane with me on my way to Sydney at 9am).

* Meffins (meat, veggie and egg muffins):

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Brene Brown: how do you get “deliberate” about your life?

This week in Sunday Life I get deliberately vulnerable

23d373f9fa5690a22aec2eeb004b3a04 Brene Brown: how do you get "deliberate" about your life?
Illo by Erik Marinovich

I love the number three. It’s a thing (as they say on Twitter, preceded by a “hashtag”). When things come in threes – three knock-backs, three mentions of the same person in a week – I’ve learned to take note. And something always comes of it. There’s nothing particularly woo-woo about this predilection. I’m a wary, hesitant person – it takes three strikes, generally, for me to notice and trust something, and then to act.

This week University of Houston scientist Brene Brown told me she’s a three kind of a kid, too. Of course, I got around to watching Brown on TED.com only after three people mentioned her to me. Her talk on vulnerability has since become one of the most popular TED presentations ever. And so I contacted her to see if I could interview her for this column on Skype. And whattayaknow, she replied immediately to say she was due in Sydney the very day I was also going to be in town.

Woo-woo? Or just weird? Whatever. We met.

Can I just say, I was more excited about meeting Brown than anyone I’ve encountered in my weekly journey for this column. Three hands down. Brown’s spent eight years studying thousands of people to determine how best to live a wholehearted life.

It drills down to this:

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my new TV show: Eat Yourself Sexy (why don’t ya!)

A little while back I finished making a TV show. It’s a nutrition makeover show. It’s called Eat Yourself Sexy. The premise is simple: I take 8 average Australian women and show them how to eat their way back to wellness in 8 weeks. It’s all it takes. And they wind up eating MORE than they’ve ever eaten before. Here’s a sneak look… and below some behind the scenes shots from the shooting of the promo.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIbnt1wVGCg[/youtube]

Where can you see it?

Lifestyle YOU (Foxtel and Austar)

When?

August 25, 8.30pm

Why?

Because it’s a show that spreads REAL eating advice and is wholly accessible and all about pointing at the telly and saying, “Wow, that’s me, I do that” and, “Wow, that’s not complicated or hard, I can make that change”.

The women are mostly size 14-16, with kids and jobs (REAL). I swear, we see ourselves in all these women and their food and body dilemmas. We don’t whisk them away and lock them in a house and put them through artificial boot camp misery…

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Inspired gifts – just a nice idea for a Wednesday…

It’s always someone’s birthday or wedding. And – separate thought – I think it’s always nice to give something that helps others in need. Because, I mean, who needs another Jo Malone candle!?  So I thought I’d share UNICEF’s Inspired Gifts program…where you can buy a bike for your loved one…that goes to someone in Africa!

 

Picture 55 Inspired gifts - just a nice idea for a Wednesday...

via goldsnowdrops

Tip: Flag this post so you have a gift idea ready to go (perhaps add it to instapaper…I have a file called “gifts’ filled with ideas).

Basically, you buy a gift for someone that goes to someone else in need. A goat. Or a bike! I do this at Christmas. My family and previous partners have always groaned at first. But then been grateful. We used to wonder how the goat was going, living its little goat life in Namibia or whatever. (I once wrote a “sponsor letter” from the goat and posted it six months later…”thank you for my life, milking time is always fun”…).

Three of my favourite gifts:

  • A Bike! $87. UNICEF has found that in some parts of the world a bike is one of the most important modes of transport for villages. It is particularly helpful for health workers to reach vulnerable children in remote communities. It is often used to transport other Inspired Gifts like the vaccine carrier.
  • Measles vaccines: $31 will protect 100 children from measles.
  • Family water kit: $127

Here’s what others’ gift-giving antics delivered around the world last year:

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what’s your definition of the perfect relationship?

I’ve been thinking about this a bit. In part to understand what I’m seeking. In part to understand my friends’ relationships…some of which I don’t fully…get.

photographer javier lovera what's your definition of the perfect relationship?
Pic by Javier Lovera

I used to believe there was a One.

I now believe arranged marriages can often produce better relationships than when we’re left to our devices. We create our love, once we decide. For a VERY interesting discussion of this see Sheena Iyengar’s book The Art of Choosing (she compares different relationships and finds the arranged ones are far happier 20 years down the track. It’s a terrific read.) I’ve put her TED.com talk below…as a sideline.

So the point is…we choose love. We choose to make the relationship work.

I used to believe relating was about facing each other and seeing each other in each other’s eyes.

I now believe relating is about travelling side by side, looking in the same direction. Every now and then we look across at each other and prod each other on with a kind smile.

I used to believe we found our match.

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Why your arguing is backfiring…

This week in Sunday Life I quit arguing

dont cry its only sunblock Why your arguing is backfiring...
via powrightbetweentheeyes

If I had my time again I wouldn’t have asked Dad’s permission to see Nightmare on Elm Street 4 when I was 15, thus spending the next five weeks arguing why he was wrong to say no. I would’ve just gone, like my friends did.

At a guess, I spent approximately 11/15ths of my teenage years arguing My Point to my parents. Which handed my five younger siblings incredible unscrutinsed freedom to do what they liked. They – wisely – took the line, that I only learned much later in life while working for Kerry Packer, “Don’t ask for permission, know how to beg for forgiveness”.

It’s an interesting point to explore right now. Because, frankly, everyone seems to be arguing to flaccid effect. If you’re not throwing the remote at journalist Andrew Bolt’s head on the telly, you’re throwing it at Dick Smith’s or Gwyneth Paltrow’s or Lord Monckton. And Federal politics has descended into a My Point-scoring scrum. One where the ball was lost long ago. It’s like we’re all standing in front of my dad. I say this, because my dad was supreme at not relenting to Another Point.

A Gen Zer asked me at a Coal Seam Gas rally the other day if there was any point to arguing. A Gen Yer wouldn’t have asked such a question. They’re the quintessential younger sibling in the equation (with Gen Zers a sort of second-rounds eldest child). I took on his question quite seriously (as Gen Xers do; we also still attend rallies) and this week explored it further.

Dispiritingly, a lot of the research dedicated to the topic finds arguing a point doesn’t work. Worse, it leads to what has been dubbed “The Backfire Effect” by US researchers.

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