• “All over the place” girls Are you an All Over The Place girl? I could be accused of such a thing. I have swings and lows and roundabouts. I demand too much of those around me. I aim too high and crash. I feel bad about this. I often try to take up less room, like a long-limbed dancer at more
  • what struggle do you want in your life? I have a friend. Let’s call him Dick. He’s a challenge. But then so am I. But the thing is, the more he’s a challenge, the more I love him. I have to struggle at times to hold his energy, to ride his emotions, to apologise to the waiters that he’s rude to. But the more
  • Let’s go about this slowly (I’ll tell you why) Poet Mary Oliver does it for me. Have you read any of her work? She places her observations of the heart so delicately that the words disappear and a wistful truth remains. Here’s something from her recent compilation Felicity: Poems that makes me glad: I did think, let’s go about this slowly. This is important. more
  • How to love mindfully Oh I do love a bit of Thich Nhat Hanh. I recently discovered that the Vietnamese monk who brought us the mindful concept of “washing the dishes, to wash the dishes” has written about mindful love in his book “How to Love”. It’s a beautiful read. It hits nails on relationship heads. But I was more
  • I’m glad I’ll be old when I find love I’ve come to a lot of peace lately (the last year or two) with my singledom. There are a number of themes that have emerged and informed this stable, quiet, happy place. I’ve explored a few before here and here. But recently I’ve realised this, with hindsight: I haven’t trusted myself to love another in the more
  • The joy of catching others in a vulnerable, unaware moment I derive very happy jolts from glimpsing someone in the middle of a moment. An unawares moment. Some examples: A bike courier singing as he rides through traffic; the woman in the pencil skirt who does a little excited skip to herself as she walks down the street; the power walker at the beach who more
  • Anxiety is love’s greatest killer Anais Nin wrote this in her diary, between 1947-1955 (it was later published in Volume 5 of her diaries)…”Anxiety is love’s greatest killer”. The next bit of the quote: “It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle more
  • It’s better to fall in love later I keep coming up with theories on love. It’s a theme in my life. I’m of that age where it strikes everyone around me as odd that I should be single. A real estate agent on Saturday proclaimed he thought it was profoundly weird I wasn’t married. “I mean, you keep yourself fit, so why more
  • my interview with Nicholas Sparks on what makes love work This week in Sunday Life I discuss The Notebook If you ever find yourself in the laundry at a party skewered against the tub of stubbies by some eye-glazing, go-nowhere conversation, try this tactic. Ask everyone’s thoughts on The Notebook. In my experience everyone has a take on this 1996 novel, turned into a film more
  • when you’re the “somebody that they used to know” Today. This. Dedicated to Pete. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/youtube] I saw Gotye play live a few months back. The most sublime experience. He played about six or seven instruments during the gig, dancing between each one. It was a dance, I tell you! More than six million people have viewed this on Youtube, so apologies if you already more
  • what’s your definition of the perfect relationship? I’ve been thinking about this a bit. In part to understand what I’m seeking. In part to understand my friends’ relationships…some of which I don’t fully…get. I used to believe there was a One. I now believe arranged marriages can often produce better relationships than when we’re left to our devices. We create our love, more
  • “The invitation”: my favourite treatise on love. Today I simply share this. A poem by Oriah. I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of love I seek in my life. And then someone recited this to me. I found it interesting to read the poem as a message to myself, rather than as something I impose on to an “other”. It’s more
  • sunday life: in which i learn how to fix a relationship breakdown This week I play relationship games I’ve just found a word to describe one of the most spleen-tearing, devastatingly destructive relationship scenarios a soul can ever face.  If you’re old enough to read this, you’ve no doubt been there. You’ve stood opposite someone you love, mired in a fight (about wet towels on the floor?) more
  • the importance of being smart, single…and vulnerable Over the past week debate has been raging about a few studies and op-eds that – sigh – tell us that women who are smart and successful don’t score blokes. What do we all think of this? This Psychology Today report says people who’ve always wanted to be successful (since they were kids) grow up more
  • sunday life: in which i learn the beauty of not being right This week I choose to not be right (and find beauty in a field beyond right and wrong). Ever been stuck in a toxic relationship rut? I mean really stuck. Perhaps it was with a spouse, a partner, or your boss or neighbour.  An issue arises, they react aggressively, you react just as primitively to more
  • some happy relationship maths (and proof every woman needs a plumber) A couple of new UK studies out today have boiled down relationship success to a few simple stats. Totally fascinating, albeit overly generalised, stuff! (Anyone love relationship generalisations as much as me?) The spurious figures: * Women should be 27 per cent more intelligent: Of the 1,074 couples looked at aged between 19 and 75, more
  • Sunday life: in which I try a new technique for making good decisions (in love) This week I try out “satisfycing” for size. The inspiration for this week’s reflection is the release of Lori Gottlieb’s Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough, the latest tome to tell women how to score a bloke. Gosh, and there we all were living life according to the 2004 self-help gospel more
  • be inspired: the “special problem” of strong women looking for love The scene: green tea this morning with my hung-over friend Sally The topic: a quote from a review of Antonia Fraser’s biography in which she outlines her life as the wife of writer Harold Pinter. It neatly sums up what Women of Strong Character know to be true: The Special Problem Early on, just after more
  • viral videos: why they make me emotional This one really got me: [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5vRPKIS5UM&feature=player_embedded[/youtube] What is it about these videos? I think it’s the sense of Something Big and Human Happening. Of something simple that’s developed (often) innocently, but that grows exponentially through people’s desire to connect and share.
  • life is hard. life is precious. Warning: this is just the trailer…but prepare to cry big connecting-with-humanity tears. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5FYahzVU44[/youtube] Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire (this is actually the full title) hits screens in a month or two. But a water-cooler-ready overview in the mean time: * Oprah’s backed it * the plot follows the truly tragic life of more
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